As I figured it would, the writing bug has bit me again, so here we are. For those who don't know, I recently 'killed' my last blog, Bonfires Are Good Practice, which was mostly a World of Warcraft blog, because my life has undergone some pretty serious changes that have resulted in me quitting the game, and thus blogging about it would just be silly. If you clicked that link, or knew me from there, then you probably noticed the name behind these posts are different, and there's a reason for that. This time I'm using not an alias, nor a screen name on a game; this time I'm using my real name, and I'm getting over any shame of connecting all of my identities as one, because afterall they are all me. And people do change. I used to just create a new screen name, a new mini-identity when I'd undergo a change and became ashamed of who I was, but no more, because I am who I am and those changes, from who I was to who I am becoming, are important.
My last post there, for anyone interested, goes into the most recent change, probably the most drastic of my life, why it happened, what it is, and how. So I won't go into that here, at least not right now, not this post. No, this post has a purpose, thoughts that have been nagging at me, begging to be written down. So let's delve into them, shall we?
A lot of the blogs on my feed reader have a purpose; actually, I dare say all of them do, that varies in importance. One of the biggest purposes, to me, is to make me think. Whether just taking a moment to think about the principles that make the world work, or more philosophical things that make me question what I know, or ones that make me think about my life, especially how different aspects are similar and affect each other. A couple of the more recent posts at Righteous Orbs have been in this last category, regarding real life vs. the internet. In the wake of the recent upheaval of my life, this kind of thinking really hits home.
Now, this is where I may start to get rambly. Or at least, a bit moreso than normal. But if you can bear with me through it, it all helps to convey my thoughts on this.
I think everyone has a purpose in life. To that end, they have different abilities, different tendencies, etc. that, in general, can be good or bad, but in the end help to serve this purpose. I don't think everyone finds their purpose, but those who do are likely some of the happiest people to live. One of my tendencies, in general, is rather bad. I tend to, not necessarily obsess over things though I've been known to do that too, but latch onto things and make my life revolve around them. Not even necessarily things; it can be ideas, or people, or what-have-you. I find something and throw myself into it, for all I'm worth. No matter how much effort I tried not to, I invariably ended up either wholeheartedly dedicated to something, or forgetting for the most part its existence. This especially surfaced in the years I spent gaming online.
Knowing this, it shouldn't have came as such a shock when I went to clean out and reorganize my life, that, well, the past several years of my life I have barely existed offline. As I went through my email, I discovered I had held onto almost every one that had came in, even if it meant just putting a label on it, archiving it, and never seeing it again until recently. Considering how... prolific, I've been online at times, and how many years I've had this email address, it was more of a shock that I had only eight thousand-something messages than it was that I actually hung onto them all. These were the breadcrumbs on the trail of my life, the things that reminded me who I was, at whatever time, and what I was doing that made me, me. And I deleted all but around one hundred.
Partly due to the above-mentioned online-existence, and partly because half of my life I never stayed in one place more than a couple months before having to leave with next to nothing to live somewhere else, this wasn't just a metaphor to leaving my house, my home, with only a few possessions, never to return. This was essentially the same thing. Even though I have lived in my current physical residence for about four years and only had one little move and a couple extended hotel stays during that time, I'm not attached to much of anything here. I'm attached to my cats, my dogs, my family, and my computer. That, to be honest, is it. And the computer part is extremely variable; it's more my access to the internet, and my friends online, than the thing itself.
And now we go more into the meat of things.
I have been blessed with a mother who understands that my 'real' friends are online, and a grandmother who has grown to accept that--mostly from seeing the evidence herself. But a lot of people, even people in similar situations to me, still think that if you haven't physically met someone, you can't really be friends.
This, I believe wholeheartedly, is false.
I still have a handful of "friends" who are local. People I grew up with. People who, at times, shared my interests, and I theirs. Out of the ones I still keep in contact with, I have known one for 16 years (I am currently 21, so you can compare just how long I have indeed known this person), one for 8, and the other for about 5. We've had our ups and downs, like all relationships, and at one point I did consider them friends, to the point I have had bones broken protecting the one I've known for 8 years. We stopped actually hanging out about 3 years ago, when I learned the hard way that, while I have always been there for them at the drop of a hat when they needed me, no matter what, because I believed that's just what friends do, it was a one-sided relationship. Now, the most we keep in contact is through "pokes" on Facebook, or the occasional Facebook Chat when one of them needs an ear. I am still there for them when they need me, and I believe everyone can change, so I hope one day it may become a two-way street, but realistically speaking our biggest tie is that is we live in the same city.
I have known for a while now my best friends are online, people who I have never physically met, and I have gotten in the past couple years to where I will readily admit this, odd looks or not. I am blessed enough to have four best friends, which is more than a lot of people really have, and a handful of really close friends beyond them. This really isn't as odd as it sounds.
The first one is Ev, who I have known since around 2006. We met through a roleplay forum based in the world of an online serial that we both enjoyed, and ended up talking in the chatroom for said forum. A lot. We became pretty good friends and actually ended up dating, even though we live 2000 miles apart. There was a time where it seemed, well, vital that I had to move, but I literally had nowhere else to go. He was actually willing to marry me (to legally get me into the country), pay to move me up to Canada, support me, the whole nine yards, which is something I never expected anyone to do, much less someone who'd never met me in person. Thankfully the situation diffused itself before actions were necessary, and eventually we found out we just weren't compatible romantically, but we still make amazing friends. He is still my best friend, and knows me more than everyone else. He has also supported me monetarily whenever I needed it, whenever there were emergencies, etc. and one year, when he moved and didn't have internet access, gave me free control over all of his information (including his bank account) so that I could make sure his bills were paid for him, since it was all done online. I have trusted him with the same information though there hasn't been a situation where it was actually necessary... I can't see myself ever trusting anyone else with the information I've trusted him with, much less the people I know in person.
The second is Mitri, who I've known for 2-3 years now. I met him through World of Warcraft, because we needed his role in our guild, and the more we talked the more we liked each other. He knows more about me than almost everyone aside from Ev and my mother (but mothers always know, oh yes), and for a long while we were inseparable. We also dated but the same issues that caused us to fall apart there have been causing the friendship to fall apart lately (even before the change). Regardless he still supports me like none of my 'friends' locally ever have, and knows me well enough to snap me out of any funks I may slip into.
The third is Silv (he's kind of OCD about his privacy so although I'm sure no one will find him 'cause of his first name, I won't be putting it here), and I've known him just a bit less time than I've known Mit, and met him in a similar way though he was a different role. In time he proved he was worthy of a high rank in the guild, as did Mitri, and so they were promoted and as part of the officercore we all ended up talking a lot and spending more time together. Even beyond WoW we've all stayed in touch to varying degrees. Silv and I have helped each other through emotional pitfalls, have been each others' shoulders to cry on, ears to talk to, advice, defense. He's earned his place as a best friend easily as much as Evan has, and has also offered me a place to stay if I ever need one.
The fourth and last of my best friends is Eric, who I've actually only known for about a year. Mitri found him, actually, in a guild we all sort of migrated to temporarily. I met him through Mit and the three of us started hanging out together, and he and I had a lot in common and just plain enjoyed talked to each other. When the original four of us went back to our own guild, Eric came with us, and even after the guild had died, he recreated it and our beliefs on another server and is prospering, carrying on the legacy we all started. He's one of those people who sort of has a niche; there's a lot of things I talk to him about that I simply couldn't talk to anyone else about, or it wouldn't be appropriate to. He's also one of the most supportive of me, and I of him in return, and has also rightly earned his place among my top friends.
These are people I'd do anything to help. People I'd give my life to save were it necessary, and I know at least three of them would do the same for me. We've all gone to bat for each other on different occasions for different reasons, all relied and depended on each other, supported each other through thick and thin, savored victories together (even if they were only victories over internet dragons for the most part). True friends. The kind of camaraderie stories are written about.
These are also people I have never physically met.
Ev lives in Alberta, Canada. Mitri lives in Tennessee. Silv lives in Saskatchewan, Canada. Eric lives in Washington. And me? I live in Arkansas. I'm miles and miles away from any of them, and yet they're better friends than I ever could have hoped for.
I've never believed that the true test of friendship is how close you are, how close you live, what school you went to, what clubs you're apart of. Sure, that gives you something in common, but I had quite a bit more in common at times with the people I've called friends locally, while it never was a true friendship, and certainly never like the friends I have online--even the ones who aren't my best friends.
When I made my decision to dedicate my life to changing the world, making it a better place, most of my local friends never commented, or went on about themselves. No support. Most people probably know how important support can be, especially when doing a complete 180 with your life, so this was another sort of eye opener.
So, how does this concern the people I have never met?
I've had several ask me, in-depth, what this is about. Why I'm doing it. Examining my reasons, making sure I'm doing it for the right ones, making sure I'm not throwing everything away for passing fancy.
I've had several ideas of how I could, and talks of how I plan to and how they can help, proposed to me.
I have been offered places to stay, I have had people offer to drive me around the country, I have been offered funds, I have had several people give me advice, I have someone who's going to code a whole website when Change The World Today gets off the ground enough to be worth putting a good chunk of money into for a domain and hosting.
And above all, I have had support from every side, people telling me if they can help in any way let them know, and people telling me that if this is what makes me happy, then go for it.
Some of these, I'm sure, they just did because they felt obliged. But to get so much support, in so many ways? Surely not obligation--much less the people actually doing something.
These people are not predators, they are not scammers, they are not out to kill/maim/rape me, and those kind of people, while I'm sure they do exist online, are not around every corner on the internet like everyone seems to think. Yes, anonymity can make people act in ways they wouldn't if their identity was attached, but that isn't always a bad thing. Half of these people I probably never would have talked to if I met them in person rather than online, and that's a lot of friendships I'd be without because I'm quite shy in person but much less so online.
The internet, really, is just like the real world. The people you meet online are real people, with real emotions, real lives. You can completely ignore them, or talk to them for a little bit then move on without a second thought, or you can form lasting bonds. And without physical bodies in the way, you can become friends with people you never would have otherwise, people from around the world who could be your best friends, and form those friendships based on something more than "Oh hey, you live close to where I live. Let's be friends!"
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